Regaining Control When Your Life is Spiraling Out Of Control

Any hobby, system, sport or activity takes dedication if you want to be good. The martial arts though are something that requires a certain level of dedication beyond the regular right from the get go, even if it's just a recreational hobby, or something you do in your spare time to learn to protect yourself. You can't expect to be good at defending yourself over night, just like you can't expect to make the varsity basketball team if you've never played basketball before. However the problem with the martial arts is not that you want to be the varsity basketball equivalent right out of the box, it's that you want to feel confident that you can defend yourself if need be from an attacker quickly. Martial arts takes years of hard practice to learn well, and many more to master. However you can learn to defend yourself in a much shorter time if the basics are focused on. Once you've mastered the basics there's not much need for more, defense wise.

Some people start taking martial arts classes because they were attacked and they want to be able to handle themselves if that type of situation ever happens again. I know personally I met a lady in my Taekwondo school about 5 years ago who was raped and beaten by her ex-husband. I'd like to keep her anonymous so for this blog we'll call her Kate. Kate was the kindest person you could possibly want to meet unless you were a man and you touched her. Then you would receive a violent outburst followed by tears. I know from experience when, after class I placed my hand on her shoulder to guide her forward so I could squeeze between her and the shelf where we all placed our shoes before class. She went rigid, turned around swinging hard at my face slapping me, screaming and then collapsed onto the floor in tears. I wasn't even aware of what I'd done that caused that reaction, but after my next class my instructor brought both of us into his office and she apologized and explained a little to me about her past. She had a couple other adult students she'd confided this information in as well previously.

Me and the few of the other adult students previously mentioned felt terrible for her and wanted to help her feel comfortable in her own skin again. We sat her down and talked to her about helping her get over her fear and gaining some confidence. We wanted to do an extra private class with her 2wice a week that involved entire focus on defending against large male attackers (yes I was the large male attacker practice dummy for these exercises). She was resistant at first to our proposal, but after a few weeks she had started gaining more confidence and trust in us and approached myself and the others who wanted to help and asked if we would help her. We then spent the next 3 months, 2wice a week, privately drilling her with different defensive sparring combination's, breaking from larger assailants holds, and pressure points to use if someone ever had her pinned down. Some of these classes were very traumatic for her and caused her to break down several times. After a couple of months of this though, she seemed different. She held her shoulders back when she walked and entered the studio with a smile and her chin up. She had gotten past her fear through hard work and dedication. She found the focus and confidence she needed for her to feel in control of herself again. It didn't happen over night and it was not easy. The phrase "I worked through my heartache and sorrow with blood sweat and tears" had a new meaning to me and I'm sure it did for everyone else in our private little class we had going. Kate didn't stay at our school all the way to black belt, but she dedicated herself fully mind and body to regaining control of her life, and so I'd say that even though she stopped training with us, she was a full on success story of my teacher's school.

No 6 week woman's self defense course is going to cover the randomness that a real life situation provides, and taking an 8 week Karate class at the YMCA once a week is never going to prepare you in the slightest for a real defensive situation. Learning to properly defend yourself takes a lot of hard work, and dedication. Kate was just one amazing example of how the martial arts can help a person. Maybe the portion in your life that's not in control isn't your emotions from being attacked by a rapist. Regaining control of eating habits is something I've struggled with my entire life. It could be gaining the dedication to do a good job at work, school, or whatever else you are involved in. My point is, is that the level of dedication needed in the martial arts, will bleed into the rest of your life rounding you out. Have a great day, and if things feel out of control in your life, remember Kate.