Don't Be a Target and Don't Target Others

I've seen a lot of bloggers out there that post tips and tricks for women to prevent being assaulted. While I do believe in taking the practical approach and being prepared some of the tips I've seen are things like "dress conservatively to not tempt men".

When are people/men going to start taking the responsibility on their side and realize that just because a woman is dressed in certain types of clothing, doesn't mean she was "asking for it" or looking for negative attention? It's summer time and many people are shedding as much clothing as they can because it's quite warm outside in this area and most of the country. Are all of those people expected to prude up to avoid becoming a target?

I've been studying martial arts since 2003 and I've met several people over those years that are victims of sexual assault. It boils my blood that in today's modernized/civilized society, where people are finally getting equal rights for marriage, and the country is generally shunning symbols of our horrible racist past that there's still such a skew in rights and equality for women. Men can jog shirtless down the street, but a woman would be arrested for being indecent for the same activity, despite both genders having nipples and breast tissue.

Now I'm not an idiot. I know the mentality isn't going to change overnight and no matter what we do for the general populous there will be criminals out there that will commit sex crimes. So, as I mentioned before we need a practical and prepared approach. So here's my safety tips. No guarantees but these are good general rules to follow that should reduce daily risk of becoming a victim.

1. Be Aware of Your Surroundings.  
1. Don't jog alone at 11pm with headphones on drowning out the world around you. 
2. Get out of your own head. It's easy to get lost in your thoughts when walking somewhere. Be conscious of where you are, and if you're possibly being pursued. 
2. Walk Confidently
1. Confidence is a big deterrent for criminals who are looking for a target. 
2. Make eye contact with people you are walking past in a city area that's busy. It'll cause you to appear more confident, and also will cause lots of people to notice you, and again if your being noticed by everyone, you're less of a target. 
3. Opposite in quiet areas where you're the only person around. Don't make eye contact if on your own in a quiet suburb or in the country. Eye contact will draw attention to you and, if the person is a would be assailant, could make you their target. 
3. Avoid Risk Areas
1. Back alleys, dark lots, industrial areas after hours and back roads. Might take you longer to get places on foot, but it's better than becoming a statistic. 
2. Your own car. Don't sit in a lot after you got your groceries, checking your text messages and emails on your phone. Do it at home or somewhere secured. 
3. Parking garages are great places to get attacked if your leaving after hours or on a floor where everyone has already left for the day. 
4. Use common sense. If you stay out of your head and are paying attention, you can tell if something feels unsafe. Even if you second guess yourself thinking that nothing will happen, your gut is not something that should be ignored. Better safe than sorry. 
4. Learn Self Defense
1. As a martial artist I cannot explain in a simple blog post, all of the benefits I've gotten from practicing martial arts over the years. That said, even if your only goal is to just learn some basic defense techniques, there's no better place than a good martial arts school. There are "crash course" approach self defense programs through community centers and the YMCA and whatnot. I urge you to be careful with these. They often have shoddy instruction by an inexperienced instructor who's looking to make a quick buck. 3 months at a good school is, in most cases, far superior to a 12 week women's self defense course at the Y. 
5. Carry a weapon
1. A weapon can be a great equalizer in an attack. Doesn't have to be a gun if you're anti-gun. There are plenty of non-lethal weapons that you can carry with no licensing or background checks (knives, stun-gun/taser, pepper spray, kubaton) . 
1. If you are anti-gun I urge you to consider that even if you are anti-gun, criminals are not and will not hesitate to use one on you in the right scenario. 
2. Learn to use it. No good having a taser if you're not sure how to turn it on. 
6. Keys between fingers in hand. 
1. A punch to the face/eye area with keys wedged in your fingers is going to cause a lot of damage. Easy enough to hold your keys like that on your way to the car at night. 
2. You should have your keys out anyway when walking to the car at night. Then there's no delay in pulling them out when you need to get in your car and go. 
7. If attacked scream... loudly
1. Drawing attention is a great deterrent. Criminals don't typically want to be watched by passers by, and the people in the neighborhood. 
2. Yelling is good, but yelling something weird, other than help, is even better for drawing attention. Yell; rape, fire, gun to cause people to look your way. If outside people are looking the criminal is probably going to run. 

Remember, nothing replaces a real martial arts education for self defense. It is, however, not for everyone and these are some tips that hopefully can help some of you out there. 

Why Do We Train?

It's been an interesting block of time in my life. I'm back in school to finally finish out my bachelors degree, I have the cutest toddler anyone could ask for and an amazing wife that supports me in my pursuits. As happy as I am, all of these things take up an exorbitant amount of my time, when coupled with the care of my home, and maintaining regular contact with friends and family. With the usage of so much of my time for all of these things, where does martial arts fit and why do I train? Why do any of us train? It's a question I've heard come up in many discussions in the dojo and in martial arts based forums on the internet for years.

I had an interesting conversation with a friend and on of my favorite training partners from my karate school this evening and it got me thinking about my long term goals in the martial arts, and has even re-solidified my drive to get to those goals (yeah quite the conversation). I'm going to write out why I train now, and what I hope to accomplish by training in the long term, but if you're reading this out there I'd like to think about why you do what you do, not at the superficial level (ie. I'm gonna be the next UFC champ or I want to be able to fight), but what at the core of your emotions drives you to keep darkening your dojo's door each week.

I was always fascinated with the martial arts when I was a kid, but we couldn't afford the cost of tuition. Money was tight, and while my mother did the best she could to keep us fed and clothed for school and church, karate classes never came up on the list of things that she could work into the budget. I had to be content with replicating what I saw in fight scenes in movies like so many of us did as children. Ha ha.

Jump forward to middle school and I received my first mugging on the walk home from Illing Middle School. The guy that did it just wanted to scare and hurt a couple kids walking home to see what it was like. The attack wasn't financially driven like most would assume. He just wanted to see what it was like to rough up a couple kids. He was terrifying. He wore, combat boots and an ankle length black trench coat and was obviously much larger than us.

Jump forward again to high school. I went to a technical high school where they bused in kids from a bunch of different towns. The different towns and the tech school's shop system bread a form of division that's uncommon even in most high school's. I tried to act tough in school when necessary and kept my head down most of the time, but I got badly beaten on a few different occasions. I again wondered about martial arts training, but knew we still didn't have the money for me to participate in anything like that. I wanted to do something though so I joined the school wrestling team for my freshman year, but was forced to quit when my grades started to slip due to exhaustion and my own teen laziness with my homework.

I graduated in 2001 and moved out to a nearby condo a few years later. It was then that I discovered my friend was taking Taekwondo classes and, when she discovered how interested I was, invited me to come check out her school. I didn't right away but had her show me some moves at her house once a week, for a couple months. Money was really tight in those first few years on my own, but after a couple months of learning from her on the side she invited me out again. This time I had a little extra money saved up and decided to sign up for the trial month at U.S. Taekwondo. I was hooked immediately at the school where I would eventually earn a 2nd Dan under the World Taekwondo Federation.

My goals have been added to over the years. My initial goals were something I'd always struggled with and still struggle with today, my weight. In that first 2 years of training I lost 115lbs of weight. I've fluctuated up and down over the years due to my, admittedly, mediocre eating habits and my overcrowded schedule. In the beginning I didn't really care about getting a black belt, just about learning as much as I could and dropping weight. I was down at the dojo 4-5 days per week most weeks in that first 2 years. I started at 405lbs and when I was competing 2 years later I weighed in at 290lbs. It was about then I decided I wanted a black belt and beyond.

There was some in and out with my training when I went back to college for my associates degree after getting my 1st Dan. I stopped for a while and gained a bunch of weight back while school was occupying my time. Thankfully my wife recognized that I missed Taekwondo and, when I complained that I had gained so much back, suggested I go back. That little push got me back in full bore and I completed my 2nd Dan a few years later. It was at this point that my goals changed from weight loss to teaching.

We moved to West Hartford, CT in 2012, right after receiving my 2nd Dan and I was set on finding another good traditional Taekwondo school to finish out getting to 4th Dan so I could be a registered Master through the Kukiwon in Korea. As it turns out, I had very high standards for what was typically offered in Taekwondo schools. I visited a large amount of pure Taekwondo schools throughout my new city and none of them stacked up to what I wanted. I got frustrated and decided to just find a school at which to train in the interim until I could hunt down a good school for Taekwondo. Visiting some MMA schools and karate schools yielded other problems which caused me to become even more frustrated. I knew what kind of atmosphere I wanted and none of these places had it. I almost gave up, but then found the website for Plus One Defense Systems. I decided to see this one last place and I'm very glad I did.

I set up a meeting with the owner explaining my long term goals of teaching and we talked for 2 hours straight. I'm sure he was very busy with a large private business to run, but I'm very grateful he took that time. Due to my experience he gave me free reign for a week to try every class I could fit in, with no paperwork signed or money exchanged. I signed up on day 3 and have been there for 3 years as of the writing of this article. I started with the Muay Thai class they offer and the hybrid kenpo based karate system they teach. I'm a few years out from a black belt in this system, but know that I want to teach professionally and I plan to use the defense concepts in this system when I build a curriculum of my own. With my little boy relying on my income I can't stop right now to teach but I will be able to when he's older and more self sustaining, and this school will offer me the experience to get there. I already help out with the karate sparring class and assist when some of the classes are busy and there aren't enough assistant instructors to go around.

If you've read my blog posts from the past you'll recall an article I wrote about how we helped a lady who was a victim of a sex crime committed against her by her ex-husband, get past the PTSD brought on by that assault. Events like this mixed with people that have opened up to me over the years about different things that have happened to them that caused them to turn to martial arts to regain a sense of self control, "heal, or become a better person", have given me drive and solidified that teaching goal. I want to help people that need it, and help people prevent the need as well. After all it's always better to be ready before something happens, rather than get ready after something has already happened.

So why do I train?

I train for stress management, I train to help my own body be healthy, but mostly I train so I can share my knowledge with others to help them not be a victim.

Again I ask; Why do you train?

Train on.